The past is the past. It is hard to leave it there. I constantly hold onto my three "offical" chemical pregnancies, because I use this as a source of hope, a source of hurt and source of yearning. Why can't I keep the past in the past? Perhaps, my emotional wellbeing would be in a better state.
When I look back at 2012 I think of all the ups and downs. The ups: renewing my relationship with B, enjoying my job, and nursing a kitten to life, renewed hope in transfer to RE. The downs: failed IUIs, failed IVF, failure is a hard thing to accept. But in the same time, better than 2011 that began and ended with a miscarriage.
I am completely terrified of what 2013 has in store. I am terrified of our FET. But 2013 and the FET are coming and I can't stop it. I shouldn't be terrified because of what could happen, I need to be hopeful for what might happen. In the end, I know that what's the worst case scenario- I'm in the same boat I am now.
I guess I'm ready for a new year, but how do I let go? How do I let go of 2012? or even before? How do I let go of my fears?
Happy 2013 to everyone! To all of my friends in the infertile community, maybe this will be our year! Trying to think of only positives....