Monday, December 31, 2012

2013: Ready or not, here I come

The past is the past.  It is hard to leave it there.  I constantly hold onto my three "offical" chemical pregnancies, because I use this as a source of hope, a source of hurt and source of yearning.  Why can't I keep the past in the past?  Perhaps, my emotional wellbeing would be in a better state.

When I look back at 2012 I think of all the ups and downs.  The ups:  renewing my relationship with B, enjoying my job, and nursing a kitten to life, renewed hope in transfer to RE.  The downs:  failed IUIs, failed IVF, failure is a hard thing to accept.  But in the same time, better than 2011 that began and ended with a miscarriage.

I am completely terrified of what 2013 has in store.  I am terrified of our FET.  But 2013 and the FET are coming and I can't stop it.  I shouldn't be terrified because of what could happen, I need to be hopeful for what might happen.  In the end, I know that what's the worst case scenario- I'm in the same boat I am now. 

I guess I'm ready for a new year, but how do I let go?  How do I let go of 2012?  or even before?  How do I let go of my fears?

Happy 2013 to everyone!  To all of my friends in the infertile community, maybe this will be our year!  Trying to think of only positives.... 

8 comments:

  1. I think the same questions, and I am terrified as well.

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    1. I feel like we are hit with similar stuff at similar times. I'm keeping you in my thoughts!!!

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  2. It's ok to not be able to let go right now. I think a lot of us can relate. Hugs to you for a better year.

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    1. Thanks I really appreciate the kind words!

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  3. Hi, I'm new to reading your blog, but we are also male factor. I'm also terrified 2013 won't bring what I'm expecting. I hope it does for all of us though and I will continue to follow your story and root for you all the way!

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    1. Welcome to my blog. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as well!!!

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  4. Reading up on your journey now. May this year be better than you could ever imagine!

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  5. My Genetic Counselor at my RE office gave me the best advice (after losing 3 babies) said that I need to let go some of the pain in my heart to make room for the hope of a new baby. Good luck and baby dust to you. May 2013 both be our year! I feel like it is finally my time!

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