Monday, February 25, 2013

Have you ever just had one of those days?!

Today at school, I found out my other coworker who went through IVF after me is pregnant.  So I personally know two people who went through IVF and got pregnant their first time.  Does this happen to me- absolutely not!  I kind of feel alone, which is why I guess I am so appreciative of the blogging community, because I know bloggers who have had failed IVF.   Part of me says, "I'll get my turn," buyt unfortunately, having babies isn't about turns and fairness. 

I'm so fustrated and bitter!  Part of me looks for some kind of reason, some kind of something that I can have control of, but there's nothing.  Part of me questions his existance; if you know that pain I feel and have felt; this agonizing hell- how can there be this spiritual being in charge of this, and what did I do to deserve this?

I would like to be optomistic about my FET in couple of weeks, but I don't think it's going work.  Why would it?

The other day, when I wrote about my bloody fiasco with the injections, turns out I hit a blood vessel which resulted in a galaxy of a bruise.  Sure enough, guess what I did today.  Same damn thing, just the other side!

I'm over today!


  1. I hear ya! I know quite a few people who their 1st IVF worked. I was so excited until my first IVF BFN came...Followed by a 2nd and a 3rd and now I'm just like,"ugh, whatever"

    Hope today is a better day for you!

  2. I am so sorry, Autumn. I have no explanation as to why your first IVF failed, but I do know that I've heard doctors say that for some women, frozen cycles are just more successful than fresh. I also have two friends who dealt with multiple failed IVF cycles and eventually had success - one on her third and the other on her fifth. I SO HOPE it doesn't take that long for you, but one failed cycle doesn't necessarily indicate future failure. I'm behind you on your journey.

  3. I don't think we can help comparing ourselves more with the real world than with online folk. It is your real world friends who are really there, in front of you, having things work out for them. I totally get how hard that feels. Be kind to your self and give yourself a treat and a hug. And here is a hug from me.

  4. I have definitely had those days! I'm having a lot of them lately! It is very hard to remain positive and believe anything good will happen when you experience so much bad! Praying you get your turn and something good comes your way soon! Just know you are not alone in your feelings!

  5. I so agree!! Are you a teacher?

    It's so unbelievably frustrating! We are going to go through FET #4 sometime this summer. It's so hard not to be jaded from our journey. I wish I knew you where we could sit down over a cup a coffee (or a glass of wine) and just vent! It would be nice to have someone who truly understands miscarriage, ivf, fet, shots, loss, and frustration.

    My brother and sister in law had 2 full IVF and 3 FETs before they got pregnant. It wasn't until they transfered their 11th, 12th, and 13th embryo that they became pregnant with twins. Our happy ending is out there...somewhere! Just under a cloud, instead of a rainbow....

    Hang in there! Goodl uck with your FET! I'll be thinking about ya!

  6. I wish I could give you a hug, but instead I will just let you know that I am thinking of you and I hope this cycle works out.