It's been a trying couple of days with the whole failed IVF. I keep reminiscing how 2012 was suppose to be my year and how 2011 was suppose to be my year. I honestly do not know or think that 2013 is going to be my year. I would like to think so, but this optimistic attitude does nothing but break each failed cycle. My husband tries so hard to be supportive, he says, "We'll have our turn." Yeah maybe if life was full of sugar plums, rainbows and unicorns, but in the end reality check: life isn't fair. Taking turns and sharing is fair, but life isn't that way.
I have used all my sick days on IVF and IUI's, so now I'm kind of stuck. I think I'm going to try to schedule the FET during Spring Break, so I won't have to miss many days of school. Plus, I read a statistic of IVF that it is more successful in the spring, then summer, then fall, and least successful in winter. I don't know if it will help, but all I can do is try.
Yesterday, we visited one of my good friends, she's like a baby sister to me. She has her child, A who is a sassy little 1.5 year old. I just love her to pieces. A latched on to me, and when she was getting tired she wanted ME to hold her. I don't know what it is about a child's head, but when they rest it on your heart, it instantly melts it. While I had fun, I couldn't help but wonder will I ever get my own? Always the Aunt, never the mother.
Tonight, we go to the inlaws to visit. I think this will be harder because there will be a newborn baby. B's cousin just had theirs, and it just is kind of a downer to any infertile when someone conceives accidently. What I wouldn't do to be in that situation. Instead, I get rounds of medication that suppose to help, or even the whole going scientist on your ass with the IVF, but still nothing. It sucks!
So anyways, to get my mind preoccupied... We have made our game plan of when to move on to the next step. It may take time, because of the medical discrimination amongst infertiles who have to pay for their medical costs, but that's another posting. We have decided to the FET, and if that doesn't work, we'll do a total of two more fresh IVF and the FET that it allows. If that doesn't work, we'll move on to something else.
Now in the ideal world and the FET works, I've made a plan to get out of debt. I have a plan laid out to pay off the infertility loan by December 2013. Then pay off the car by December 2014. Then pay off the house within 10 years. But that's in the whole ideal world where there won't be added bills, or more fertility costs.
Anyways, I just wanted to wish a Merry Christmas to everyone!!!
Oh Autumn...I'm so sorry. I hadn't read your blog over the holidays and then when you commented on my last post, I realized I needed to see what you have been up to. I had no idea your IVF failed. Ugh...I am so sorry to hear this. I am also sorry that my reply to your comment on my blog said "I have been enjoying reading your blog." That's all true but if I would have read your latest updates before replying, I would have said something less insensitive and more accurate since I obviously didn't enjoy reading that your cycle failed.
ReplyDeleteThat's very interesting about the seasons. I wonder what the reasoning for that is. For what it's worth, we did IVF in late March/early April and it worked for us, so I guess we further confirm that statistic. I've also heard that some people respond a lot better to frozen cycles than fresh, so I'm really glad you have several embryos frozen. There's hope in that. Easy for me to say, right?
I'm saying a prayer for you and your husband right this very moment.