The past is the past. It is hard to leave it there. I constantly hold onto my three "offical" chemical pregnancies, because I use this as a source of hope, a source of hurt and source of yearning. Why can't I keep the past in the past? Perhaps, my emotional wellbeing would be in a better state.
When I look back at 2012 I think of all the ups and downs. The ups: renewing my relationship with B, enjoying my job, and nursing a kitten to life, renewed hope in transfer to RE. The downs: failed IUIs, failed IVF, failure is a hard thing to accept. But in the same time, better than 2011 that began and ended with a miscarriage.
I am completely terrified of what 2013 has in store. I am terrified of our FET. But 2013 and the FET are coming and I can't stop it. I shouldn't be terrified because of what could happen, I need to be hopeful for what might happen. In the end, I know that what's the worst case scenario- I'm in the same boat I am now.
I guess I'm ready for a new year, but how do I let go? How do I let go of 2012? or even before? How do I let go of my fears?
Happy 2013 to everyone! To all of my friends in the infertile community, maybe this will be our year! Trying to think of only positives....
I think the same questions, and I am terrified as well.
ReplyDeleteI feel like we are hit with similar stuff at similar times. I'm keeping you in my thoughts!!!
DeleteIt's ok to not be able to let go right now. I think a lot of us can relate. Hugs to you for a better year.
ReplyDeleteThanks I really appreciate the kind words!
DeleteHi, I'm new to reading your blog, but we are also male factor. I'm also terrified 2013 won't bring what I'm expecting. I hope it does for all of us though and I will continue to follow your story and root for you all the way!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to my blog. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as well!!!
DeleteReading up on your journey now. May this year be better than you could ever imagine!
ReplyDeleteMy Genetic Counselor at my RE office gave me the best advice (after losing 3 babies) said that I need to let go some of the pain in my heart to make room for the hope of a new baby. Good luck and baby dust to you. May 2013 both be our year! I feel like it is finally my time!
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