Had to be at the doctors by 8:15AM, without drinking anything. I'm half fish, because I love drinking water. I was a lot lessed stressed than I imagined. They called me back. When I had to change into my gowns, there was a wall that said, "I am one with my ovaries and at peace with my uterus." I kind of felt that way. I know we are doing everything we can.
They were able to retrieve 17 eggs, and it looks like 14 were good quality. So now I wait until tomorrow to get the fertilization report.
During this time, B had his fun in a cup. He's been taking vitamins for the past 3 months that are suppose to improve sperm quality, county, and motility. His motility had improved, but his quality drastically shot down. Usually, he has 12% normal morphology which is in the borderline abnormal stage. Today, it was only 1%. That really sucks, because part of me was hoping that as time moved on and his balls had longer time to heal from the variocele removal the better his sperm would be, and perhaps we might be able to actually find out what it's like to have an accident. The results kind of reaffirmed the fact that that specific hope needs to float away.
I think part of it is having family members who don't understand the numbers game with play with our sperm analysis. We get to hear things like sure you'll have ivf now, but I can see in a couple years you having accidents. Yeah right! Part of me feels like I let my family down because I can't conceive the natural way.
Don't worry, I post tomorrow after I get the fertilization report.
You are not alone in feeling that you let them down. When I'm with my Mom and she starts bragging about her grandchildren (natural I know), I feel like such a failure. I know she would never say it, but I feel like she's going to point to me and say "And this is my daughter who hasn't given me anything." I know she doesn't feel that way, but it doesn't change how I feel.
ReplyDeleteIn case you didn't know, you'll also get pregnant if you make a big purchase such as putting in a pool or buying a boat, adopt, or any number of other situations. As you said, they don't understand. Unfortunately, people do not understand that infertility is a medical disease. I just try to educate them, but I'm sure it usually comes off as me sounding like a smarta$&.
Best of luck. Hope you have lots of embies when you get your report tomorrow. Sending Baby Dust your way!