8 weeks 6 days

We went to the ultrasound on Monday, and everything is still on target.  The HB is 170 still.  Everything is going great.  I am exhausted, so this will be kept real short.  I have another ultrasound May 6.  Thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement!

Infertility Awareness Week

I am eternally grateful for my blogging community.  Community is the key word.  Blogging has allowed me the opportunity to not feel alone and given me the strength to fight this battle.  I appreciate everyone in my blogging community: my readers and the bloggers I follow.

7 weeks

I am officially 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant.  We will have another ultrasound on April 22.  I have had the following symptoms- food aversions, sore boobs, nausea and fatigue.  Over the weekend, I have enjoyed a lot of naps!  I am so grateful for this blessing, and I pray it continues on.  Sometimes, I feel a lot of guilt.  I hate being nauseated, and everytime I feel naseasated, I feel guilty for not enjoying it, because there is someone out there would love to experience this; it's the two sides of me-infertile me and pregnant me.  I am really anxious to get past the first trimester, I feel like I am completely walking on eggshells and would love the chance to take a breath.  I am so happy for  pray that each one of my blogging sisters out there will get an opportunity to experience this; until then, much love and prayers for them.

6 weeks 4 days

I went for my ultrasound appointment.  Baby was measuring exactly on target at 6weeks 4 days.  There is only one gummy bear.  TBH, I was a little disappointed two didn't make it, but I know this is safer.  I was amazed at the heartbeat.  You could see it just a pulsing.  This baby had a heartbeat of 170.  I was supper excited about that!  I have another appointment in two weeks.

A Personal Spring

 

As you can tell from the pictures, I'm like a damn dog when it comes to peeing on things-only the fire hydrant are these wonderful little sticks. I might have an obsession, but partly because of my fear.  This is probably only a fraction of the sticks I have used during this entire process, so I will eventually need to buy some stock in First Response.   Some people may think I'm crazy, but today is the first day I haven't peed on a stick at least once.  As you can tell, I typically peed twice a day.  I am completely afraid that I will lose that line. 

 

I know I am jaded.  I remember the first time I saw a positive stick, I was so excited, but by the end of weekend it was stolen from me.  I know each day is precious and tomorrow is not a guarantee which sucks.  I wish I could continue with the niave innocence, but everybody's journey is different.

 

I am also afraid because I have had a few symptoms, but they come and go.  It certainly does not consist of my throwing up my insides each minutes, or being exhausted where I fall asleep doing things, and my boobs aren't Dollys.  Sure, I get nauseated, sure my veins on my body is becoming a map, sure I'm tired, and sure I love fruit, but none of this seems to slap me in the face and scream, "I'm pregnant."  This scares me. 

 

I'm afraid of jinxing myself.  I haven't told many people, because I'm afraid I'll jinx it.

 

As days pass on, I start to feel better about this, but it takes time.  I pray at the ultrasound they find some healthy looking embryos and some healthy heartbeats.  That is my next hurdle.  I'm am truly grateful for this pregnancy and I pray that it sticks.  Yesterday when I peed on a stick, my pregnancy line was extremely dark compared to the control line- this made my day.  This is my personal spring of hope.  I sighed in relief, and I began to believe this may actually work. 

2nd beta

This morning I had my second beta drawn.  I knew I needed it to double.  I needed it to be at least 820 since Friday's was 410.  I had been annoying the doctor's office all day, because it was so important.  I told Brandon, I would be really happy if it was 1000.  Guess what?  My beta was 1407.  I'm praying this one sticks!  The next hurdle is the ultrasound on April 8.

Doctor's Appointment

I cannot begin to explain the gratitude I feel for the infertility community.  During the last couple days, I have received all kinds of encouraging words and well wishes.  I don't know where I'd be without this community.

Today was the day.  We went to the doctor, and I passed the first hurdle!  I passed the urine test, and the beta for today was 410.  I'm praying this one is going to stick around. 

I began peeing on the sticks a week ago.  On Saturday, I go my first BFP, but I was anxious for my period to arrive.  I've had this happen before- get a positive- get hopes up- period arrives.  I've lost before, so I have been scared.  This is the highest beta I have had which makes me so happy, but I also know I am not in the clear.  The next hurdle will be the beta test on Monday.  Then the ultrasound on April 8.  If this one sticks, the due date will be November 28.

Also, if any of my family members are reading this, please keep this on the downlow.  I would like to tell Grandma and Grandpa when I'm there.