Sick

I have been sick with a cold all week!  I am so over it!  I was taking Robotussin, but it wasn't cutting it, so last night I got drunk on NiteQuil.  I still feel like crap!

On the flip side, today we go to the RE and learn how to use all of our medications!

Anticipation

I am so excited; I get to learn how to use all the medicine that I bought for the IVF process.  I'm really excited, because this is the highest chance we've had at getting pregnant.  During an IVF cycle, your percentage of pregnancy is 50% at my clinic, while a normal fertile couple doing the old fashioned baby making have a 20%.  We'll be more fertile than the Fertiles! 

I just really hope it works.  I know it's a 1 in 2 chance.  So either it will or it won't.  I really hope it does. 

I spoke to the lady who works in the classroom next to mine, who is pregnant with twins, and asked what she did in regards to POAS.  She said she didn't even want to check it until the date.  I have to make a decision whether I will POAS everyday and watch the hcg go away, so I know when a valid test has occurred or wait until the date I go to the doctors.  Part of me says to do it everyday, but then another part of me says maybe all these cycles have been jinxed by the fact I POAS like its going out of style.  I'm afraid if it is negative and I go to the doctors to find out, I will be bawling my eyes out as I'll need some time to absord the information, mourn and then figure out questions for the doctor. 

What I am terrified more than anything is another miscarriage.  I've had two on my own.  I do not know if I can emotionally handle a miscarriage.

Please help: Assurance or Insurance

Since we will be spending a crap ton of money at the chance of having a child aka ivf (can you sense my bitterness?), I want to make sure I do everything right to improve my statistics for this conception to work and for this conception to stick.

I am currently doing p90x to get in good shape, and to hopefully drop some weight before the IVF.  I know nutritionally, I need to make sure I eat a crap ton of veggies and fruit.  I know I will need to avoid second hand smoke (sorry mom).  Once I start stims, I plan to routinely incorporate yoga and meditation into my life to minimize my stress.  I know I can try to incorporate pineapple in my diet during the hopeful implantation phase.  Are there any other things out there I can do?  For ladies who had a successful IVF, what specific things did you do or not do?

I ordered my drugs!!!

I ordered my drugs and will receive them on Friday!  I am uber excited to get the show on the road!!!

I'm getting my drugs this week!!!! And Oct. 15

Friday, I should be receiving my medications for my IVF cycle.  I am so excited.  Not much to report, I am on birth control.  It's amazing how great sex can be without the pressure of baby-making!  October 30, I learn how to use all my medications.

October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  I think the problem with pregnancy loss is a lot of women do not share their story, and they keep it bottled up.  I wasn't nearly as open with the first one as I felt like it was my fault and I was ashamed.  This year, I decided I will post the following on Facebook:

October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  According to the American Pregnancy Association, studies suggest that 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage before 13 weeks.  Only 20% of the women, who have had one, will have another one.  Unfortunately, I have had two early miscarriages.  October 15 is just the nationally recognized day of their remembrance, because even though it was an early miscarriage, they remain in my heart and in my thoughts for the other 364 days of the year.

the good, the bad and the ugly

The Good
So we were approved through ARC for $12,014.00 which covers everything but the meds.  Yeah for being approved.

The Bad
The interest rate is ridiculously high.  We have a credit score of 739 and our interest rate is 16.99%- Holy Hell.  Our loan payment will be $304.00; we will be officially broke for the next five years.

The Ugly
My pure desperation tells me that other people have gone into debt over sillier things.  It just makes me question the ethics of bankers or finacial loan officers in general.  We, being people suffering from infertility are so desperate in our attempts at a child that we are willing to pay 16.99% interest, and it doesn't take long for the whole medical market to exploit the desperation of infertiles.

BCP

Today, I start birth control pills to prepare for the IVF process in December.  I'm kinda excited.  I'm just trying to have faith that all will work out.

taking it a minute at a time

Well we received a call from the bank.  She informed us that I was indeed correct about home equity loans, and that you can only take out a total of 80% of assessed home value.  When I had asked to originally get information, she said it was 80% of the difference between owed on mortgage and assessed value, so everything looked great for us.  I know this is all a numbers game, but you can't help but take it a little personally.  I guess I will be contacting ARC about finacing; I mean our credit score is 739, so surely to god the interest will be closer to 3.99% as oppose the 19%.  I'm also hopeful that we'll be approved.  If we are not, we will be stuck.  Our IVF procedure will have to be postponed until we can save the money.

This is the part that breaks my heart, because money may be the condom on our conception.  I keep telling myself to have some faith, but at the same time I look at what faith has brought me to this utter point of despair with what?

I know I will not qualify for the refund based option because I have had a miscarriage; as if a miscarriage doesn't suck enough and I don't have to deal with the reprecussions of it every single day, now it has me marked in the rejection pile and rejection sucks.

Just taking it one minute at a time.

Getting the show on the road

Just spent 2387.37 on medications, so now I owe 387.22.  I am so excited; we are getting things moving.

TMI for some

So I called the doc today because low and behold the yeast infection I used Monistat for lsat month is back and with a vengence.  Last time, the doctors didn't want to prescribe me the good medicine in the event that I might be pregnant because it was a treated cycle.  This month has not been a treated cycle, and they didn't even ask what day I was on.  They sent the prescription; I can tell how much faith my doc has on me and hubby actually getting pregnant the old fashioned way.

Met with the bank lady today to start the process of a home equity line of credit for the fertility treatments.  When asked what for, I told her medical costs- she seemed shocked.  Yep, I need 15,000 for medical costs and I pay every month for health insurance.  I didn't want to tell her for ivf because I have found that some people (mostly freaks who blame their pov on religion as oppose to being born an idiot) are against ivf and believe that birth is in God's will.  WTF?!  At those times, I think about WWJD and he would probably bitch slap some common sense into them.  How is treating a medical problem anti religious?!  I don't get it.

Gatlinburg and Medication

We really enjoyed our trip in Gatlinburg.  It was so nice.  I didn't even think of the whole infertility ordeal we have to deal with on a daily basis.  It was nice to relax and have fun.  Granted, I still counted preggos (on average I saw 4 a day).  For the first time in a while, Brandon and I just enjoyed each other's company with no pressure!

We arrived back home today, and we received our estimate on medicine costs for our IVF cycle.  Pressure starting already!  Our estimate for just medication came to $2,774.59.  Tomorrow, we plan to go to some banks and discuss the possibility of taking out a home equity line of credit, so we will see.